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Top 10 management prediction and decision tools

by David Zinger on February 7th, 2008

Quick, what is the best way to make a decision or to predict the future?

It is amazing the faith some people put in rodents. We will  gather around to see if the Ground Hog sees his shadow and use that as an oracle for how much winter is left. It seems, only the shadow knows!

There are many methods for predicting the future. For example, you can read horoscopes, tea leaves, tarot cards, or crystal balls. Collectively, these methods are known as “nutty methods.” Or you can put well-researched facts into sophisticated computer models, more commonly referred to as “a complete waste of time. ~ Scott Adams

How do you make predictions and decisions as a manager?

1. Numerology. Do you look at sales charts, industry trends, stock prices, or other indices usually referred to as “the numbers?”
2. Flipped out management. Do you flip a coin?
3. You rock. When conflicted about future actions with a colleague do you resort to rock, paper, scissors?
4. Gut it out. Do you operate on feelings and trust your gut?
5. Don’t work, network. Do you connect with a large group and determine directions based on feedback from your network?
6. Focused bologne. Do you buy a bunch of people some sandwiches, call them a focus group, and blame them if you make a wrong decision?
7. You’ve got balls. Do you have crystal balls that you gaze into and begin to wonder if you might actually need bifocals?
8. Pick a card… Do you keep a Tarot deck in your desk and ask people who report to you, “to pick a card…any card”?
9. Old news is good news. Do you read old newspapers from 15 years ago because you know what goes around comes around and history repeats itself every 15 years so if your company centralized you look like a genius 15 years later as you predict they will decentralize?
10. Living in the past tense. Future? What future? Have you seen my inbox and the number of meeting schedule in the next 3 days, I can’t even decide what to have for lunch.

One final question, if you do have some of these tools in your management toolbox how do you remember where you left your toolbox?

Photo Credit: scissors, paper, rock by http://flickr.com/photos/meme/1294491/

David Zinger

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POSTED IN: satire